MURDER AT THE PURPLE PARROT

The year is 1929, the place Rosarito Mexico where women are hot, beautiful and dangerous. A cold blooded murder has just taken place in Madame Loopey’s Lopez Purple Parrot Brothel where illegal hooch runs like a river into the mouths of the rich and infamous land barons. Marlon Brandywine son of PeePee Brandywine, the second largest gringo cattle ranch owner in Baja was murdered while trying to romance the enticing Velma Veracruz a Hoochy Koochy dancer at the PARROT. Loopey Caliente had invited her patrons, ladies of the evening, well known Rosarito citizens and the press to make an announcement of great importance this evening. They are all there in their finery drinking her booze and taking advantage of her excellent food and hospitality.

Marlon Brandywine is handsome and suave, romancing many women in town. He flies in the face of propriety making his affairs very well known. He flirts from one woman to another and often in the same evening and in the same place. He has made many enemies in town with his selfish, fast living ways. “His days are numbered” seems to be the attitude of all who know him.

PeePee  Brandwine, Father of Marlon condones his son’s actions in all things as he himself is a grade A flirt and nasty drunk with frequent blackouts. He will brandish a pistol and pretend to be any number of western outlaws when out in public and soused. His personality turns on a dime, never knowing which of his incarnations will appear. “He is not stable” the town says and can “crack wide open any minute”.
Velma and her oversized booty are owned lock stock and blazing barrels by the first largest gringo cattle ranch owner, Major MooMoo Mike Mazursky, a cold and cruel ex-Marine prize fighter who struck it rich in oil and loves his women sexy, chubby and true to him only. He has threatened Marlon with death unless he stays away from Velma.

Mrs. Myrtle Minnie Mazursky, a besotted and vicious woman knew of her husband’s dalliances and to date has only verbally threatened violence to all who would listen, often and loud.

Angelo {Twelve Fingers} Shabona owns a crooked gambling establishment in the Rosarito Beach Hotel, called NOW YA SEE IT NOW YA DON’T, fleecing many of his high profile wealthy patrons attempting to beat the crap tables, poker games and roulette wheel. He holds big markers with 50% interest rates in the thousands of dollars from the Brandywine’s among others.

 Jerry the Crusher is Angelo’s body guard and bone breaker for those that don’t pay up. He has never been known to speak except for loud grunts and occasional screams of happiness when performing his duties. He loves his work and hates “Them that don’t pay what they owe,” the only sentence he has ever uttered in public.

Madame Loopey Caliente Lopez owns the biggest and most expensive brothel in town. THE PURPLE PARROT caters to the upper crust of society as well as the visiting Hollywood elite. Her girls are handpicked locals and starlets trying to break into showbiz. Velma among others occasionally works for Loopey who is also sleeping with both Moo Moo and Marlon. It’s said that Loopey’s specialty is Domination and Submission. No one knows for sure but very loud noises have been heard coming from her parlor.

Valentino Finklestein is the head waiter at the PARROT who emigrated from Europe many years ago. He refuses to change his name and is taunted unmercifully by the Brandywine’s and other patrons. They call him Fink.

Hedda Goose Vandersnook is a German Consulate emissary now residing in Rosarito. She is very wealthy, connected and thought to be an international spy.  Hedda was Marlon’s #1 girl until replaced by Velma.

Louis {Zip Lip} Loccanno is the current boss of bosses in the mob. He has a home in Rosarito as well as Chicago and keeps a very private profile until he has a few too many glasses of vino. He is also a frequent visitor to the PARROT and Twelve Fingers gambling joint. He is trying to buy up all the ranches and land before the big land boom hits. Those that won’t sell are on his enemies list including Marlon.

Magnolia Hibeams is the number one silent films Hollywood star. She frequently visits Rosarito and parties round the clock. Her beauty is legendary and slowly fading from too much booze and gambling. With talkies on the horizon and Magnolia’s screechy voice a big issue, the studio has given Magnolia the axe. Unless she can improve her way of speaking she will become unemployed and broke. Magnolia is the Brandywine’s house guest many times during the year, trying very hard to snare Marlon as her next husband to no avail.

Millicent Tightup is the principal of the high school in Rosarito. She is timid and conservative in dress and speech until the booze she hides in her casa cupboard overtakes her shyness. At this time she becomes a vixen with eyes for Marlon as she tries to be the sexy dame she knows he likes and is rebuked. This evening at the PARROT, she is over the edge, loud and mouthy.

Sheriff Juan Manana Marengay is a guest at the PARROT this evening for the festivities. He is sober, a man of few words and all business as he tries to deduce the killer from all the guests at the PARROT. 
Words McGinty is the owner of the local newspaper who was asked to be present for the announcement. He is very proper and uncomfortable at the PARROT. He spends the entire evening looking over his shoulder expecting the worst. Marlon has been trying to force him to sell so he and his Father can control all information in town. To date Words has flatly refused to sell and is frightened that something will happen to him and his family.

Snowshoe Furblender is a frequent visitor to the PARROT during the Sierra fur trapping off season. He is constantly talking fur and annoying the ladies with his jabber. Marlon has been his customer for years but now with the depression beginning and money tight, he has failed to pay his very large tab to Snowshoe and the man is damn mad and here to collect.

Dolly Bigeyes Fish owns the local seafood concession on the docks. She is very rich and had lent money to Marlon without asking for a return. The town is talking but Dolly has been silent until now. Marlon has ridiculed Dolly publicly in the last few months while he takes her money and tells the town how stupid she is. It’s been said that there is a big resemblance between them and many wonder why.

Calvin Dicer is the local medic in Rosarito taking chickens and pigs in payment for services rendered. He is loud, boisterous and well loved by the townspeople except for Marlon and PeePee who have threatened his life on more than one occasion. Calvin will not attend to them since their Great Aunt Hortensia passed away under his care some years ago and they laid the blame squarely on him. He suspects that they had something to do with her death to gain her inheritance which was in the millions. He fears them and has told his friends that he must strike first.

LickEmUp Shockley is the town’s Postmaster. He and Marlon were classmates in Mrs. Tightup’s class. They have not spoken a word since graduation as Marlon was caught naked with the future Mrs. Shockley in Hidden Loon Lake the night of the senior prom. LickEmUp has threatened Marlon with bodily harm for years and actually broke his nose some years ago.

Tubers “Sweetie” Spudsalong is the owner of the town’s only vegetable farm. His farm borders Marlon’s ranch and his cattle trample Sweetie’s produce often making it hard for him to earn enough to pay the taxes. Tubers, fixes the fences and Marlon’s cattle continually break through. Tubers is a known hot head and waits for his chance to get even.
Tillie {the toe} Lumpkin is the owner of the town’s only dance studio. She is unwieldy and not at all graceful with Marlon among others chiding her constantly about being “Lumpy Lumpkin” the toe tapping terror. Her embarrassment in the town is painful and she seeks revenge.

Veronica Birdsnest is Rosarito’s finest hair stylist. She attends all the important ladies in town and spreads gossip faster than a Hummingbird’s tongue on a summer’s day. Marlon has threatened to set fire to her shop as she has singlehandedly informed all of his women of his flirtations and caused him grief and time trying to salvage all the ladies love and easy access. She fears what he might do and has told her friends that she has a mysterious plan to make him stop his threats.

Laura Lee Liedown is Madame Loopey’s one two punch in the brothel. She is sexy and smoldering in her appearance with Marlon at her beck and call for big bucks. Lately she seems to favor MooMoo and has told the town that Marlon promised to marry her but changed his mind and decided not to pay his brothel bill which is considerable. Her share of the bill was intended to buy her a place to live. She says, “I will fix the louse one day”.

Peepers Batblinder is the town’s optometrist. He has very poor vision and has had many car accidents in the past year. Some months ago he rear ended Marlon’s convertible Rolls Royce deeming it to be a total wreck by all concerned. Marlon whispered in Peeper’s ear just after they pried him out of the car, “You’re a dead man”. Peepers believes him and knows he must act quickly before Marlon makes good his threat.

Cookie Hassenfeffer is the executive chef at the Rosarito Beach Hotel. His culinary skill is known not only here but also in Europe where he studied at the Fine French Skillet and Ladle Institute in Paris. Marlon has been his enemy since just after he arrived in Rosarito. Cookie’s eighteen year old daughter Cupcake was seduced by Marlon and became pregnant with his child whose paternity Marlon denied. The child is now carrying on the Hassenfeffer tradition by being the youngest child ever to win the Coffee Klotch and Strudel baking award in California.

Cupcake Hassenfeffer was seduced by Marlon when she first arrived in Mexico and bore him a child that he denied. She became an outcast as an unwed Mother and vowed her revenge one day. She cannot prove that Marlon is the Father and as such has kept it a secret from the town. Only her Father knew his name.

Plugs {THE WRENCH} Mortimer is the town’s finest mechanic who can diagnose a screeching engine in minutes due to his super hearing and vast knowledge of physics and engineering. He is brilliant and gave up a career in Neurophysics, a science he founded himself to attend to vehicles in Mexico. He carries a steel wrench on his person wherever he goes for advertising and also for protection. Marlon has never paid his bill for the Rolls Royce accident that was in the thousands and Plugs is just waiting for his chance to collect one way or the other.

Hesperia Higglesworth is the ace news reporter for the town paper. She is matronly in dress and demeanor and a snoop extraordinaire. Nothing that happens in Rosarito escapes her eyes and ears. She has spies on the lookout daily and has broken some very damaging stories one of which she has yet to print. She has been on Marlon’s payroll since Cupcake gave birth to his son with definitive proof that he is the Father. He owes her a bundle and she has threatened to print the story. He has threatened to kill her. She knows he means it and will take the necessary steps to protect herself, even if it means he dies first.

Monticello Imbiberia is the owner of the finest winery in Baja. He goes by Monty and has always been in competition with Marlon for the ladies since anyone can remember. He is an upstanding citizen of Rosarito and quite wealthy with exceptional life values for everything except women. He goes for the plump, pretty and dangerous. His woman of the month was Velma until he realized he was truly in love with her and asked her to marry him. Velma unfortunately seems to be in love with Marlon and MooMoo and not Monty. Monty now feels he must get rid of Marlon and MooMoo a bit later if he is to ever have the life he yearns for with Velma.

Harriet Haggsworth is one of Monty’s spies and has been on his payroll for many years. She is overbearing and selfish wanting money in her coffer above all and doesn’t care how she gets it. In her attempt to blackmail Marlon among others in town, he had her roughed up by The Crusher, breaking her arm and causing her great personal pain. She decided to wait a year or so to get even and has been planning her revenge for months.

Beulah {Bitty} Brandywine is the ex-wife of Marlon. She despises her given name and demands that everyone call her Bitty or Itty Bitty. Those that don’t are punished in some way or expelled from her life causing her great loneliness as almost no one in town cares what her name is, she is that disliked. Marlon has not paid her any money for months as was promised in the divorce and she is now broke and livid. She constantly asks him for money in private and public but he say he is broke as well. As she knows this is a big fat lie, she plots her revenge. No one ever wants to get on the wrong side of this vicious woman

Tallulah {The Tail} Assington is one of Loopey’s original ladies of the evening. She is hammered by anyone’s standards as she has been in the profession for many years. She does however have a pleasing personality and rear end that has been desired by many men. She wiggles this rear end often and has made a good living with this exceptional asset. Marlon as well as PeePee and many other men in town have had a go at her in the past and have rewarded her well as was expected. Marlon, however never by passing a chance at being a nasty womanizer, calls her disparaging names in public causing her much humiliation. One of his nasty’s seemed to have stuck to her like glue. When people in town pass her by they make donkey sounds and sing, “The old grey ass she ain’t what she used to be, ain’t what she used to be, ain’t what she used to be”. Laughter ensues and poor Tallulah is mortified. She has been heard to scream obscenities at Marlon and threaten to kill him. Of course no one believes she has the where with all but who really knows.

Dame Witty Herringbone of Herreford is the only royal personage in all of Baja. She was made a Dame by royal proclamation in England many years ago and never ceases to capitalize on this title. She is so proud of this title that Marlon made up his own name for this woman many years ago and saw to it that all his friends used it often. He calls her DIM WITTY THE HERRING and it seems to be the name of choice in this small town by the sea. There have been many additions to this name and they are all obnoxious and disrespectful. Dame Witty has called upon Angelo and Crusher to assist her in removing Marlon from this earthly life and has offered them good money to pursue this task. Up until now they have declined citing his debts to them as the reason. There have been meetings lately to rethink this project and the answer may soon go the other way.

Clothida Brandywine is the ex-wife of PeePee and Mother to Marlon. She was a very popular matron in town and much loved by all who knew her except PeePee and Marlon. She held the purse strings in the family as her family had owned the Ranch for many years before she married PeePee and he took it over much to her objections. She could not stop him and decided to take him and Marlon to court until one day they came for her with a strait jacket and locked her away in an undisclosed location. They needed her to continually sign checks and were afraid to do her harm because of her popularity. The town believed that she had gone mad except for Loopey and Angelo. This night she was sprung from her prison and brought to the party after being washed and coiffed by Veronica. Marlon and Peepee were blindsided by this deed and knew that something had gone horribly wrong.
There you have it, thirty four people all with a reason to murder Marlon. Who Dun It is the question but what is the answer? See you at the Purple Parrot for the party, the murder and the answer.